Conversation With Joe Sixpack

Joe Sixpack lived at 201 Budlight Lane. He was easy to find since he was listed in the local phone book. A beat-up blue pickup truck was sitting in his front yard and a McCain-Palin poster was tacked to the lone maple tree that towered over the yard. Empty beer cans were arranged in a neat row along the porch railing.

Joe offered me a beer as I entered, but since I was working I declined. I had explained on the phone that I was doing a post-election analysis and that the company I worked for wanted to get Joe Sixpack's views. As I stood there in his living room, I watched as Joe nervously peered out the windows and kept looking at me suspiciously.

"You're with them, aren't you?" he said.

"I work for a company that analyzes voting patterns," I answered. "I explained this on the phone Mr. Sixpack.

"Yeah sure. How did you find out I voted for the black guy?"

I was caught off guard by his remark. "I assure you I had no idea who you voted for."

Joe Sixpack now began to open up and spill his guts out. I suspected it was partly the beer he had been drinking and I was happy to listen.

"Look, my job's been shipped to China, I'm losing my house, my wife's left me and my damned dog won't have anything to do with me. You think I was gonna vote for you Republicans you're crazy."

I was stunned. "So you voted for Barack Obama. Is that what you are telling me Joe?"

"Right. I voted for the Socialist-Muslim-Terrorist with the whacko preacher. All I ask is that you don't tell my neighbors."

I could see that Joe Sixpack was a man truly suffering. "I assure you Joe this information is confidential and no names are used. May I ask what exactly convinced you to vote for Obama. Perhaps it was those stirring speeches he gave or perhaps the tax cuts for the middle-class."

"Give me a break. You know and I know that's all bull. Politicians are all just a bunch of liars and crooks. I voted for him because of football."

"Huh?"

"The NFL man! All them black quarterbacks and coaches now. Life is just a big football game, you know? It's the fourth quarter, no time-outs left and we've got 98 yards to go for a go-ahead touchdown. I figured it was time to bring in the black guy and give him a shot."

"Okay," I said, somewhat surprised.

Joe looked at me with a hint of a smile on his face and said, "That Sarah Palin was hot though, wasn't she?"

"Yes, she was attractive."

"She is why my wife left me," said Joe. He had a glum look on his face now. "I had this t-shirt with SARAH PALIN IS HOT written on it. Then I made the mistake of telling her I would like to go moose hunting with Sarah. That's when she threw a frying pan at me which missed and hit the dog. That's why the dog hates me now."

As I left Joe he made one last request that I not tell his neighbors he voted for the black guy.