According to a recent study at the University of North
Carolina, one out of every 200 American women claim to have become pregnant as
virgins. Researchers at the University
of North Carolina were using a test called the National Longitudinal Study of
Adolescent Health. Researchers at
universities throughout the country are always administering tests of some sort
and getting paid for it. I would say
this test was at least interesting and raises numerous questions.(If I remember
right, the last time a woman reported having a virgin birth was over in the
Middle East in a town called Bethlehem.)
The first question raised is did the women understand the
connection between sexual intercourse and pregnancy. Apparently some of the women were not even
sure what constituted vaginal intercourse. ( In my estimation this would
indicate a serious problem.) Of course
it’s possible many of these women came of age during the Bill Clinton Era when
Bill managed to create mass-confusion over what constituted “having sex.”
The second question concerns dates. Maybe the women simply got their dates mixed
up. It’s possible. Judy is always complaining about how I always
forget important dates. Maybe some of
these women are very poor at keeping track of dates and thought they started
having sex after giving birth. Nothing
surprises me about human behavior anymore.
The third issue regards a solemn pledge. Some of the women claiming a “virgin
pregnancy” had also signed a chastity pledge.
Granted, when you sign a pledge you should take it seriously. But it’s
possible some of these women signed the pledge, and then, when their guard was
down, gave in to their boyfriend’s animal-cravings. Naturally you don’t want to admit you broke
the sacred pledge, so you tell a little white lie and claim you had a virgin
birth.
Of course there is always the possibility that one of these
women had a genuine “virgin birth” just like happened in Bethlehem. I strongly doubt it though. I’m even skeptical of the “virgin birth” in
Bethlehem which indicates how much of a skeptic I am. A
coworker with the telephone company once told me I was an irreverent,
skeptical heathen. Didn’t sound good at
the time.
Besides virgin births, I also ran across another
enlightening subject concerning women.
A few days ago (still 2013) I tuned into the Dr.Oz tv show
and learned that the average woman will pass wind 98 times in a week. Like virgin births this is valuable to
know. For instance, if I’m in the
grocery store, checking the price of fresh salmon I will know not to stand
downwind of the lady looking at the fresh clams next to the salmon.
Dr. Oz did not explain how many women were tested, what they
ate, or what instruments were used.
Naturally my first thought was that some type of “fart-meter” was
attached to various women who volunteered.
(What kind of woman would volunteer to have her farts measured is a
scary thought.)
Judy says I watch too much of Dr. Oz. She also claims that women don’t fart, but,
rather, pass “delicate woman winds.” She
claims that men, myself included, pass “big hairy man farts.” That is an example of gender bias of the most
severe type.
Here’s wishing everyone a very happy holidays and a joyous
New Years.
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