Obama's Pet Gap

Recent polls indicate Barack Obama is lagging behind John McCain with a critical segment of the U.S. voting public. This group is not women over 50, Latinos, military veterans, Native Americans, independant voters or Arkansas Hillbillies. No, the group he is losing cuts across all spectrums of the American public.

Pet owners heavily favor John McCain because he has lots of pets. John McCain's menagerie consists of Sam the English springer spaniel, Coco the mutt, Oreo the cat, a ferret, three parakeets and a number of saltwater fish. Obama on the other hand owns no pets. A definite "pet-gap" has developed which could be critical in a close election.

So far Barack Obama has merely promised to get his daughters a dog after the election. His advisers, however, realize the potential danger in this "pet-gap" and are currently trying to close it. Obama campaign workers are now discreetly visiting both Petco and PetSmart stores to collect as many animals as possible.

Close advisers within the Obama camp have spoken on condition of anonymity that so far they have acquired 5 dogs, 4 cats, 2 cockatoos, 6 parakeets, 3 rabbits, 3 chinchillas, 4 painted turtles, 2 Red Boa Constrictors, 1 very nasty tempered tarantula and a three foot alligator that keeps biting workers when they feed him. The plan is to have all these pets on the stage with the candidate when he gives his acceptance speech in Denver. It is felt that this event will not only close the "pet-gap" but actually allow Obama to surge ahead and leave McCain in the dust.

Of course there are risks. For instance if the alligator was to bite the candidate the Secret Service has said they would have no choice but to shoot the gator. This might cause a backlash among owners of reptiles but Obama advisers feel it is worth the risk. The "pet-gap" needs to be overcome at all costs.

Butterfly Effect

The term "butterfly effect" refers to the idea that the flutter of a butterfly's wings could have a far-reaching ripple effect on subsequent events. Because of this concept, I have been debating over what to do about a bird nesting on our front porch.

An Oregon Junco, a small brown bird with a black head, has built a nest in a white plastic planter filled with artificial plants. The planter sits on the railing on our front porch. We didn't realize the bird was nesting at first because the nest was so well hidden among the plastic plants. But after observing the bird fly out of the planter every time we used the front door, I became curious. Juncos build very neat little nests constructed with mud and grass. In the nest I could see three tiny white eggs with blue spots. Judy, my wife, printed up a sign to stop people from using the front door.

Of course, with placement of the sign across our front walkway, I realized the "butterfly effect" had begun. The sign told people to come to our backdoor which is around our garage and then to the rear of the house. This discouraged many people who simply said, "This is stupid. Just get rid of the nest!" It was obvious that by building its nest on our porch the bird's actions had now rippled out and caused my neighbors to regard me as stupid.

Also, delivery people began leaving packages in our fenced-in backyard which delighted our dog Corki who promptly began chewing on the new items. All because a bird decides to lay its eggs on our front porch.

My wife has taken to calling the bird an "Oregon Junky." She points out that Oregon is a very liberal state populated by ex-hippys who want to legalize marijuana, believe in mass-transit and will probably vote for Obama. She thinks the bird may be some type of omen favoring Barack Obama. By leaving the nest in place we have created that little "flutter" in the universe that will then cause a majority of people to vote for Obama.

Of course there are always other possibilities. For instance there is a Sharp Shinned Hawk that comes into our little development occasionally. The Sharp Shinned Hawk is a bird hawk. Unlike the broad winged Redtail Hawk, the Sharp Shinned has short rounded wings and a long tail which gives it speed and maneuverability for catching birds on the wing. Maybe the young Juncos will merely be food for the Sharp Shinned Hawk.

Naturally if that were to happen I would then wonder if that would be a little "flutter" in the universe that favors John McCain. A person really doesn't want to contemplate the "butterfly effect" too deeply.