GAT in the Pacific Northwest

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Government Bail Out


This Christmas I feel Judy and I deserve some sort of government bail-out. As it stands now we, like many other couples, have been forced to cut back on our spending habits which then jeopardizes the United States economy. I am as patriotic as the next guy and I do not want to be held responsible for the collapse of the U.S.A. and Western Civilization. If I could just get a small check, say for $200,000 or even a lousy $100,000, I promise Judy and I would do our patriotic duty to get the country back on track.
Naturally there will be those nattering nabobs of negativism who will say there isn’t enough money to do this for everyone. They will make claims that it will put the country deeper in debt and bankrupt us. They of course simply don’t understand modern economics.
Modern economic theory dictates that some enterprises are simply too large to fail. It apparently is a law of nature. Recent bail-outs of numerous companies have amounted to close to a trillion dollars. I used to think one billion dollars was a lot of money but now realize that is chump change. All this money keeps appearing as if out of nowhere.
Some people claim it is actually tax money from citizens of the U. S. But more and more citizens are losing their jobs and not paying taxes so I am suspicious.
The only logical answer is the “money fairy.”
In college I took Economics 101 which was extremely boring and never once covered the “money fairy.” Economic theory evolves and this was back in the 60s so maybe the advanced idea of a “money fairy” had not arrived yet. When I was a child my parents would give me a weekly allowance and I think the “money fairy theory” works in a similar manner.
The next question to arise is, where does the “money fairy” live? Many people think he (or maybe she) lives somewhere in the White House. This is because the checks are always signed by someone in the US government. This is false of course.
The “money fairy” is very sneaky. The “money fairy” lives in a far a way country that claims to be Communist, but in reality is now more of a ruthless Capitalist than we are. (“Money fairies” are noted for moving from one country to another.)
The country is China and as long as we don’t antagonize the “money fairy” everything will be fine.
Both Judy and I admit we occasionally spent our money unwisely at times. But, like those big corporations who also have made poor decisions, we shouldn’t be penalized for our stupidity. After all this is America. In fact I think Judy and I should get some type of bonus for our poor financial decisions. They do that on Wall Street.
Judy and I would be happy with a meager $10,000 bonus each for our poor financial decisions.

Wishing you, one and all, a very Merry Christmas and Happy and Prosperous New Year!