GAT in the Pacific Northwest

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Democrats and Republicans In The Wilderness

Recently my wife, Judy, clarified the difference between Republicans and Democrats. My wife often clarifies life's many puzzles for me. I am truly fortunate.

Democrats and Republicans In The Wilderness

Four politicians were out in the wilderness. Two were Democrats and two were Republicans. In the distance they spotted an animal.

Democrats: "Oh look, there's some kind of animal in the distance. We think it's a bear."

Republicans: "That's a White-Tailed Deer."

Democrats: "Possible. But let's get closer. We need more information."

Republicans: "Idiots! It's a White-Tailed Deer. Are you blind?"

They move closer.

Democrats: "You're right. It's not a bear. But, it's not a White-Tailed Deer either. Maybe it's an elk."

Republicans: "You Democrats are flip-floppers! You need to make a decision and stick with it come Hell or high-water! It's a White-Tailed Deer and nothing you say will convince us otherwise!"

Democrats: " We need more information before we can know for sure. We need to form a committee to gather facts about this animal."

Republicans: "Facts! Committees! We say it's a White-Tailed Deer and that's all you need to know!"

At this point a bearded hermit came out of the woods and said, "Why the Hell are you chasing my pet moose? You fools keep chasing her and she's liable to kick the crap out of you!"

Democrats: "A moose! Of course, that's what it is. Thank you sir for solving our puzzle."

The two Republicans now turned their backs on the Democrats and the hermit and began chanting in unison, "White-Tailed Deer...White-Tailed Deer....."

The hermit scratched his beard and studied the two Republicans as they continued chanting. He was puzzled when he heard the two Democrats shouting at each other. He moved closer to hear what their argument was about.

First Democrat: "But is she a happy moose living out here in the wilderness by herself. I think we should form a committee to look into it."

Second Democrat: "Are you an idiot? Of course she's a happy moose. However, we do need to form a committee to see if this poor hermit needs government help."

At this point the hermit went to his cabin, grabbed his shotgun and, together with the moose, chased the terrified politicians out of his woods.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Primary Drink-Off

Recent polls have indicated that voters nationwide have responded positively to seeing Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton drinking alcoholic beverages while campaigning. Consequently, representatives from both the Clinton and Obama camp have proposed a nationally televised "Primary Drink-Off" between the two Democratic candidates. Both candidates have agreed that this type of event would help them "connect" with the average American who is turning to alcohol to drown his or her sorrows.

Negotiations are now underway between the two candidate's campaign staff and various television networks. Some have reported it resembles a feeding-frenzy as the networks compete to sponsor this groundbreaking event.

Each candidate will be required to sit on a bar-stool and continue drinking various drinks suggested by submissions from U-Tube. While drinking they will be required to give answers (not necessarily coherent) to questions thrown at them by bar patrons. The first candidate to fall off his or her bar-stool will be declared the loser.

John McCain stated he would gladly compete against the winner since no one can outdrink a "drunken sailor."

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Hillary's Tall Tales


On March 28, 2008 a parachute was found buried in Southwest Washington State, which many people thought might belong to the famous hijacker, D.B. Cooper. After thorough analysis by the FBI, it was determined not to belong to Mr. Cooper. However, in a stunning revelation during a campaign stop in Pennsylvania, Hillary Clinton has claimed the parachute belonged to her.


Speaking to a hushed crowd in an abandoned steel mill in Pittsburgh, Hillary revealed she had buried the parachute after a successful night-training jump. The former First Lady explained it was part of her training with secret Special OP Army units from Fort Lewis, Washington. She explained that her husband often sent her on secret missions to highly volatile regions of the world because the Secret Service deemed it too dangerous for the president.


She reminded the audience that upon graduation from college she had attempted to enlist in the Marine Corps but had been rejected because of her poor eyesight. She then smiled and said, “But as First Lady, no one could reject me.”


Hillary stated she remembered this particular jump in the state of Washington because upon landing she was approached by a large hairy creature. Her first thought, upon seeing the hulking beast, was that it might be Rush Limbaugh dressed in a monkey-suit. However, because the smelly brute was agile and somewhat friendly, she realized it had to be the legendary Bigfoot.
Hillary then smiled and said, “But thanks to my training in survival and evasion while with a Navy SEAL unit, I was able to escape the beast’s advances.”


When contacted by numerous reporters, an FBI Spokesman said, “We can neither prove nor disprove the parachute was ever used by Hillary Clinton.”Sources at the Pentagon reported that because of the secret nature of Special Operation Units, they could not comment on the claims of the former First Lady.